The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
