And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
