FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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