you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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