yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
