what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
