I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
wow bdsm is so cute
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
