I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
