He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
