You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
