you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
