You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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