I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
