how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
