he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
