I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
whose parrot is this?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All the doctor said was why
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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