i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
