she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
