Life is so much better after having sex.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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