I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
