party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
