We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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