I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
