i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
