i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
