you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
