weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm always down for nudity.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
