i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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