I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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