He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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