Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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