I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
NoShamevember. You game?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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