my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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