Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
