Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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