Can i not drive my cunt home
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
