I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
