Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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