so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He passed out mid-signature
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
