i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
