Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the day after is always just damage control
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
