Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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