I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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