im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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