It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
