i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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