he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
