Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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