A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
