wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have post one night stand depression
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