Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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