The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
